Mozart Effect

The Mozart effect is a controversial theory according to which listening to the composer's music makes one more intelligent or at least improves certain intellectual functions, especially when introduced to preschool children. The term was coined in 1991 by Tomatis and studied, with positive results, in 1993 by Rauscher, Shaw, and Ky.

Since then, various studies have been conducted with mixed results, so it is still unclear whether this effect is real or not. However, thanks in part to some books by Don Campbell and his recommendation that young children listen to Mozart to increase their IQ, the notion of the "Mozart effect" has gained traction. It has gained a certain popularity in the USA, so much so that it has sparked a trend that, in 1998, led the governor of Georgia to allocate around 100,000 dollars to give a cassette of classical music to every newborn.

Given that, regardless of whether the effect works, it's a great idea (assuming parents put it into practice), it's not clear why only Mozart should have its effect, and we can joke about it all by trying to imagine what the effect of listening to other composers might be on children. The following definitions are taken from the humorous pages of the Oratorio Society of New York (the translation is mine, and in a couple of cases I've added my own).

LISZT EFFECT: The child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never says anything of real importance.
BRUCKNER EFFECT: The child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently, but gains a reputation for profundity.
WAGNER EFFECT: The child behaves like a megalomaniac. He may eventually try to marry his own sister.
MAHLER EFFECT: The child screams continuously, at great length and volume, that he is dying.
SCHOENBERG EFFECT: The child never repeats a word until he has used all the words in his vocabulary. He sometimes speaks backwards. Sometimes people stop listening to him and then he complains of not being understood.
IVES EFFECT: The child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several conversations at the same time.
GLASS EFFECT: The child repeats himself, and repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats again.
STRAVINSKY EFFECT: The child lets loose in wild, guttural, and profane outbursts that often cause fights and pandemonium in the nursery school.
BRAHMS EFFECT: The child is able to speak beautifully, as long as his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc.). Furthermore, sentences of 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired.
And finally, of course, the CAGE EFFECT: the child speaks randomly, then suddenly doesn't speak for 4 minutes and 33 seconds. This last behavior is beloved by teachers.
For those familiar with the composer, there's also a RZEWSKI EFFECT: the child claims, in 36 different ways, that he's a victim of capitalist society.

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